Random latenight thoughts

Time is just an illusion, a rule made by humans, mortals, designed to keep order. Time is not price, nature doesnt follow time, nhor does what lies beyond. I find myself being complety calm up into core during enlightend moments like this, body doesnt matter, doesnt feel, language is just a barier to be breached by feelings. I have a destiny, even though unfound it lies ahead, my life has been decided, I am merley here to follow the play, the rules. Every life has a purpose and all has been planned, not by a limited power like a god or a spirit, destiny is a natural cause. The big bang happend for a reason, life happend for a reason. I feel I am losing the feeling, doubt, stress tiredness is what I’m left with and the latest of thoughts. Poethic and pholosphical this might seem, but I am not an average havebeen drepressed girl. But the permission to spread the story behind it is not mine to give.

Breathing in, breathing out, every breath could be my last. Wouldn’t it be terrible dying after graduating, having gone to school dor years to die without living?!

My mind is greater then many can imagine, sealed behind tragedys caused by fate, I have learned to live with it. In speaking, writing and drawing my story is hidden, I am waiting for the one that finds it, the other destined one. I have a reason I don’t want to be polpular, a reason I don’t want just a girl/boyfriend. They can’t know me unless they are doomed as well. Caught in societys web with only one way out: working until the spider comes to eat you.
Humans havent been truly free for ages, trapping themselfs and other creatures in their “great” world. Ha, a project doomes to fail from the start, a test project, a first try, killing themselfs.

Grades don’t say anything about intelegence it tells you about memorizing and studying skills. I am not an A* student, I am happy with a C but I am the one that uses the knowledge in life, I am the one rhat uses the difficult words. School doesn’t focus on intellegent students, it focusus on studyers, nerds. If only there was someone out there capeable of understanding me. I have thoughts, problems, feelings that can’t be described in words in any langauge.

Many will not have understuud this post, this outburst of philosphy and enlightment, don’t worry, I won’t either tommorrow morning, I’m a nightperson, this is my time…

X Anouk

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