Many drown in liquor, others fade away in smoking shit and some even live by a thread because of stuff that comes out of needles, but there are little to no stories of those who lose themselves without external influence. Not all that wander are lost is the expression but for me it’s rather not all that are lost wander, I never strayed from my path yet it took me astray.
Staying true to who I am and what I was taught earned me nothing but never ending dark haze. Never did I call for help, never was I selfish and people were blind to my pain when I healed their wounds. At times I wished for it to end all that called me back was that people needed me, that without me they’d collapse. No hope for the future, no hope for saviour. That ship sails after a year or 2. Waking up all I considered was one thing: what is the minimal I have to do to stay out of trouble? Avoiding anxiety and choice at all cost leaves you like a zombie stuck in routine, no wonder people couldn’t see the person inside.
Stuck in a haze with the weight of your worries on your eyes, blinded by darkness unable to find the light. Hardly even energy to think and no motivation for anything when what you most desperately need is change or a new influence in your life. What cruel source casted this curse? No one in particular, it’s a build up of factors and your own negative thoughts. They pile up and you lose sight of the ground as you tower above the clouds. Unsure of what might be below and scared of where you’re heading you don’t consider throwing things off the pile of climbing your way down.