No such thing as silence

Silence… No there are noises, just not from external sources. There is no one in the room, no sounds from outside and no sounds from me. No objects around to fall tick or hum, not even the sound of my beating heart or my calm regular breathing. Utter silence and yet I can hear the loudest noises. My thoughts, my feelings, my voices creating a chaos of conflicting opinions within the quiet that surrounds me. I’m the only one that can hear them even if there was someone else to listen. I don’t know what it’s like, true silence. No thoughts, no feelings and no voices raging trough my head. That only happens when the outside world is so loud that it overpowers the inside one.

I always say: The less I hear the more I hear. Without explanation it sounds odd, but perhaps now you get it. The less I hear from the outside, the more I hear from the inside. The more I hear from the outside, the less I hear from the inside.

Music is a real saviour for me, it drowns both inside and outside noises and takes me away into deep thoughts without the normal nasty consequences. Whenever I can’t sleep at night due to overthinking I’ll play music until my mind is numb. When the tv downstairs or noisy cohabitants keep me from my well earned rest music it is. I’d be dead or at least insane without music. I can’t walk, do any work, read or relax without it. Cursed with hyper sensitive hearing, voices and a wild imagination it really is my tower of strength.

I wish I could contribute to this world of rhythm but my writing “talent” does not apply to songwriting. My overall skill in music are horrible, though my dancing is acceptable. Oh and whatever you do, don’t ask me to sing unless you want bleeding ears. All I can do is just appreciate it and leave it to the pro’s.


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