Don’t ask me…

I tried something new, I asked myself a question and wrote down what my voices answered. You can read more about them under “what’s in a name


Why do I sleep with my hands next to my pillow, hiding my face, and my blanket pulled up to my neck?
Order: I’m trying to protect my dreams from the cruel world I face every day, only when I sleep is there ever peace, isn’t that worth guarding?
Chaos: To be ready to fight of any threats that come at night.
Fade: To hide my tears and sadness from those that will only hurt me more. To keep my eyes on “a way out”.
Bones: To wake up to seeing that I’m still not skinny

Why are my ears pitched for the slightest noise and my own movements silent as a shadow?
Order: To avoid harm, be aware of danger in time and have a chance of escape. To know when someone is in need and speed to their aid.
Chaos: To hear secrets and sneak away from responsibilities and consequences. To be prepared when danger approaches so I can fight it head on.
Fade: To avoid those that hurt me and remain undiscovered.
Bones: To hear what people say of me and the be able to slip away to the bathroom without anyone knowing.

Why can’t I enjoy my hobbies anymore?
Order: Because I should do the tasks given to me
Chaos: Because I want to be with “my bad boy”
Fade: Because there is no point, it’s a waste of time… putting off the inevitable
Bones: Because I should be working out instead of sitting on my lazy ass

Why can’t I tell him I love him?
Order: I don’t want to trouble him, hurt him or annoy him.
Chaos: He doesn’t deserve us, beside he’d be the one to make a move, my feelings are obvious and his are not
Fade: I don’t want to get hurt even though I’m hurting now
Bones: He doesn’t want us and I know it, he said himself he likes skinny girls.

Am I okay?
Order: No, but that shouldn’t stop me from caring about others, that’d be selfish
Chaos: No, but I am strong, I haven’t given up and I should invest more in myself.
Fade: Have I ever been? He certainly doesn’t recall anything like that.
Bones: Am I skinny? She certainly doesn’t recall anything like that.

Who can I trust?
Order: Your friends, your family, Dora, the important people in your life
Chaos: She isn’t sure.
Fade: No one
Bones: Her

Why do I cry?
Order: Because I am allowed
Chaos: Because I am weak
Fade: Because I am broken
Bones: Because I am ugly


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