I’d tick off my tomorrows, the things I saved for later knowing there was time for it later. I’d plan it out carefully: A few days for traveling, a day for breaking the law as much as I want, a day for telling people things I’ve never said, a day for breaking my own rules and trying out all kinds of things. Well… breaking the law should probably be the last day since I don’t want to end up in Jail when I’ve still got plans.
- Japan, I’m planning to go there already so why not go earlier if I’m dying. I love the culture and it has many natural beauty’s like the Sakura trees.
- Netherlands, to visit my friends and the places I grew up in. I don’t care much about paying my last visits to my family.
- America, god I swore I’d never go there but there are some amazing places and I want to visit some online friends.
- Australia, such an amazing country I wouldn’t mind visiting again even for such a grim reason. I’ve also got friends here xD.
- Singapore, I probably gotta take a stop here to go to Australia or back home so why not visit this nice City Country.
Things I’ve never said:
(I really hope my family doesn’t read this X’D)
- Grandpa, I hate your guts. You’re rude, bossy and called my bisexuality a phase. You’re old-fashioned and fat and I don’t know why grandma puts up with you.
- Aunt K B, I still have no fucking clue as to why you’re so cross with my dad. Even though since a few years you acknowledge my existence I can feel you don’t do so because of a change of heart. You always want to be right and do things your way, which isn’t bad but stop being so pushy! Other people matter too.
- Uncle K V, please stop working so hard. You’re going to get yourself killed and that would break Aunt K V. Besides you’re my fun uncle and mandatory family gatherings would be even less fun without you.
- Mom, you’re too nosy and protective. Why do you think I lie to you so much? I know what happens if I told you where I actually went and what’s really going on. You make my anxiety worse and I wish you’d give me more freedom. I understand that you don’t approve of certain things but you’ve raised me to be smart and independent, I know what I’m doing.
- Dad, you probably know this but I was going to get a tattoo as soon as I turned 18. I could have legally gotten one already, but by then you’d have no more legal say over me so you could get mad all you want. Oh and the piercings, hehe you probably thought those were the worst. Still you are my favourite parent, you understand my silence and you’re the less strict one.
- M, I know you’ll probably read this so I’ll keep some thing to myself, sorry. There have been times where one of the only ways to fight my suicidal thoughts was to remind myself that It’d kill you to have me be gone like that. I didn’t want to hurt you like that, which is also why I never really made a move on you. I’m real glad I got to meet you, I’m not sure if I would have survived moving without you…
- J, our whatever has caused me a lot of hurt. You might call me stupid, but I kept chasing after you. I know your situation, but I still love you. Of all people you should know how hard it is to get over someone. I just want to know how you truly feel about me and… remember that thing you offered a while ago? I’m willing to take that risk now. I can’t seem to escape you, they never seem to tell this part of the story. It’s always all about how wonderful falling in love is, but staying in love and falling out of it…
- Alex, Nicky, Miriam B, Lisa, and plenty others, I’ve secretly held a grudge against you for many years. You bullied me and/or were just really annoying and gross and you deserve to know that I’ll haunt you after my death.
- Little brother, remember the times I told you I hated you? I wasn’t lying. You ruined a huge part of my childhood and even now you annoy the shit out of me. I tolerate you on a daily basis because we hardly interact anyway. Worst of all is that you’ve caused so many fights in our home. I’d fight you any day, I’m stronger anyway.
- My online friends, I’m sorry that I have to leave you. You were my family more than my relatives ever were. Without you I’d have been gone long ago. Please keep moving and saving people with the power of friendship and a laugh.
Breaking my own rules:
I will not drink I will never smoke I will not sleep with someone that I’m not dating I will not take drugs I will not hit someone unless it’s self defence
- I will not eat until I can’t anymore
I will be patient and respectful I will not wear clothes that are out of season or ridiculous
- I will not let my emotions lead me
I will not give up I will not spill my secrets I will not skip class I will do what’s expected of me
Breaking the law:
- Steal things I could never afford
- Break things that are hideous or bad
- Hack into and reveal the truth on things the government keeps from us
- Drive a car without a license
- Free animal test subjects
- Hire someone to assassinate evil political leaders