You can’t tell black from white without a source of light

I’ve had many people say I’m not bipolar because I don’t show enough “traits”. I wondering if they’ve ever considered I might mask them on purpose? Nobody likes being singled out as different so can you really blame me for putting up a gray act while my black and whites contrast in the dark where you’re not looking?I don’t need you to know that last night I almost fell asleep at dinner and crawled into bed at 7 and could hardly convince myself to get out at 7 this morning or how a couple nights ago I didn’t sleep at all because before I realised it the sun was already shining again and I decided to just keep going. Nor will I tell you about how I’ve thrown my lunches away the past few weeks, have had to force myself to get a couple spoonfulls of breakfast and ate a bare minimum at dinner and how now I can’t seem to satiate my hunger, snacking during lessons and helping myself to insane servings in the evening. You’ll never understand how I need company one minute and desire solitude the next or that I can often feel alone in a group and surrounded by love while no

I don’t need you to know that last night I almost fell asleep at dinner and crawled into bed at 7 and could hardly convince myself to get out at 7 this morning or how a couple nights ago I didn’t sleep at all because before I realised it the sun was already shining again and I decided to just keep going. Nor will I tell you about how I’ve thrown my lunches away the past few weeks, have had to force myself to get a couple spoonfulls of breakfast and ate a bare minimum at dinner and how now I can’t seem to satiate my hunger, snacking during lessons and helping myself to insane servings in the evening. You’ll never understand how I need company one minute and desire solitude the next or that I can often feel alone in a group and surrounded by love while no one’s around. It’s ‘part of my style’ to look dishelved one day and neat another when really it just how insecure I feel about my appearance jumping from one extreme to the other. Do you have any clue how much energy I spend daily on restraining myself, trying to reel in anger, holding back sadness, smothering annoyance, portioning happiness?

Let me enlighten you in all the shades of black and white, all the zebra and polka patterns that make up my personality. Now that you’re no longer in the dark don’t you agree, that gray works better for both you and me?

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