What’s in a name

These words aren’t in my title for no reason, I mean I do have my own way of doing things (order) which others wont understand (chaos) but they also mean something very different to me.

Order and Chaos, my Angel and Devil, are voices in my head. I’ve had them for as long as I can remember and they’re not alone. These 2 however seem to almost have a personality of their own and I cant imagine having to decide on something without them. I have in total 4 voices unless you count my own (whatever that might be). If you ask a psychologist Order and Chaos would be bipolar disorder and the other 2, Fade and Bones, would be severe depression and anorexia. I know they are and I’ve tried to be rid of them but during weak moments they reappear.

Of course Chaos and order have a hard time agreeing on anything but over the years I’ve leaned to both sides and achieved a balance on certain areas in life, but it’s still not rainbows and unicorns. They still drive me mad when they’re screaming for me to side with them especially for things that are new to me or things I’m unsure of. Even now they’re in disagreement on whether I should really post this, but oh well. I just have to live with it, I’m still mostly in charge. Whoever I might be, I’m still not sure whether I’m not just the voice that’s currently in control but I prefer assuming I’m me.



Anorexia,  self criticism, fitness, peer pressure, hunger A skeleton but very much alive though she’s not much more than skin and bones. Often wears preppy clothes and complains about how hungry and fat she is. Hates Fade for binge eating/munching and how he wants to ruin our future body with knives and other crazy things. … Continue reading Bones


Depression, Pain, Suffering, self-harm, Suicide thoughts, loneliness, sadness A skeleton, sometimes still with rotting skin or bleeding eyes. He often carries items with which he’d like to end life. Often cries in a corner and does not connect with the others. He doesn’t understand the others very well and is often left out. Why on … Continue reading Fade


“Good”, Selfless, Honest, Trustworthy, Hopeful, Patience, Concern, Scared, optimistic, serious, shy, insecure, peaceful, quiet, follower, open Appearance: I often see her as an angel with white feathery wings a hallow and long dark blond hair hiding one of her eyes. She always wears white frilly girly stuff that covers up everything. She doesn’t look me … Continue reading Order


“Evil”, selfish, deceitful, sceptic, pessimistic, risk taker, confident, casual, anti-social, violent, cheeky, flirty, loud, fearless, rebellious, jealous, lazy, secretive Appearance: I often see her as a devil with horns, a pointy tail and short spiky hair different in colour whenever I see her. She dresses very revealing and colourful and isn’t afraid to throw a … Continue reading Chaos

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