I feel like I don’t know the real you. I’ve heard of things you’ve done and things you hope to do, your lack of it rather. You’re hiding something. What makes me say that? It’s all too familiar. I know what’s like to put up an act so airtight, so desirable, that you convince yourself, lose yourself even. I might be wrong about this, but I feel like you’re running from something, like you’re afraid. I wouldn’t dare look at what I’m really like, always running from myself, hiding. So tell me, who are you? What do you really feel? What’s the cause of your fear? Why do you loathe who you are so much that only in fleeting moments when we’re alone or in late night texts I see you? That’s the person I’m falling for, though I have to admit your mask is pretty charming too. Let me in, be honest. Turn off the defense system, you can’t freak me out. There’s nothing you can do that will scare me off, hardly anything I haven’t been through or understand. I’ve been trying to show you me, I don’t do that with anyone. I know we weren’t exactly close before this, but I always knew you were different, different like me. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You were never a threat, never a puzzle to understand, I inherently trust you. It frightens me and makes me feel safe.
But please tell me if you think I’m crossing a line or if you think I’m crazy. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, I’d hate for you to do something you don’t want to just for me. There’s no need to lie about why you said no either. You don’t think we’d last till then do you? You think I won’t like you or that my feelings will pass. If I wanted a boyfriend or “some fun” as you like to call it, there are many easier ways to do it. Now, I did not choose my feelings for you, but I chose to act on them. I chose not to hide them in a dark corner of my mind until they’ve faded. I kissed back, I sought you out. I’m not being led by my feelings, I realise that you are worthy of them. I’ve had plenty cases where I was taken for granted, my feelings deemed irrelevant. But you, you care. You worry, you apologise, you initiate. I can call you any time of the day no matter the problem. You make me smile and you don’t feel as if it’s anything special. It is to me. You’re special to me and not in a special snowflake kinda way. You matter, and not just to me.