DEEPer MEANing

I want to sleep off exhaustion that isn’t physical, waiting for wounds that don’t bleed to finally heal. Tears roll red hot down my throat, hidden by a smile that’s only the corners of my mouth pointing upwards. My hands run ice cold from the fever in my mind. I’m hungry for things I can’t eat and need something to brighten the darkness which isn’t light.

Needing wishes, imagining cravings

I desire foods, Β but I don’t want to eat them
I long for company, yet let no one near
I ache to rest, nevertheless I remain awake
I seekΒ music, though no song soothes my ears

I believe it’s more the feeling that they used to give than the matters itself which I long for and as they no longer supply it I grow hungry and restless. Wherever shall I find my comfort and move on from temporary distractions?

Lost

wish

Regret, anxiety, weakness, loneliness, strength, knowledge, memories, attitude, overthinking, attachment, indecision, hope…

They’re just a few of the things that eat away at my mind. I often wonder how I manage it and then I realise I don’t. I’m not okay, I’m putting up an act. The people I lie to most are my parents, people of authority and myself. I’m broken but I keep on going, why?

Mood swings, switching personalities, uncontrollable desires, overall confusion, eating issues, flares of anger, the urge to run away, endless thirst, over and under sensitive senses, pains in randoms places, talking to myself out loud, detachment from time, low concentration, chronic headaches

So many symptoms I have to deal with daily, all alone. I don’t tell anyone about them but some will of course show in public. They’d worry and that’d stress me out more… or so I say but perhaps I’m just too afraid to try? Somehow I’m still alive, I guess I’m just too stubborn to give up, hehe.