DEEPer MEANing

I want to sleep off exhaustion that isn’t physical, waiting for wounds that don’t bleed to finally heal. Tears roll red hot down my throat, hidden by a smile that’s only the corners of my mouth pointing upwards. My hands run ice cold from the fever in my mind. I’m hungry for things I can’t eat and need something to brighten the darkness which isn’t light.

Not present

Who knew
a sigh could be so heavy
The weight of all your worries
Blown out in a single breath
And drawn in again

Who knew
the tips of my fingers would seem so distant
My mind disassociating
Feeling small inside my body
If it is still mine

Who knew
you could get used to such things
Boundaries endlessly pushed
Previous limits
Now the standard

skinny stress

skin is starting to pull tighter around now obvious bones

once hidden veins can be traced from the tips of my finger to my armpits

the cold chills me to my core through unusually many layers of clothes

seeing food is enough to make my stomach twist and turn

 

energy is at an all-time low

sleep is difficult and never enough

migraines are a common occurrence

sheer will is all that keeps me going

 

the words and stares pierce me like a dull knife

while they see something beautiful

I suffer the price

Needing wishes, imagining cravings

I desire foods,  but I don’t want to eat them
I long for company, yet let no one near
I ache to rest, nevertheless I remain awake
I seek music, though no song soothes my ears

I believe it’s more the feeling that they used to give than the matters itself which I long for and as they no longer supply it I grow hungry and restless. Wherever shall I find my comfort and move on from temporary distractions?