Dark, gloomy, hard, revolting

Everything is light and colourful

The sounds are sweet and cheerful

Soft are the fabrics

Pleasant are the scents

I just don’t fit

 

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DEEPer MEANing

I want to sleep off exhaustion that isn’t physical, waiting for wounds that don’t bleed to finally heal. Tears roll red hot down my throat, hidden by a smile that’s only the corners of my mouth pointing upwards. My hands run ice cold from the fever in my mind. I’m hungry for things I can’t eat and need something to brighten the darkness which isn’t light.

Not present

Who knew
a sigh could be so heavy
The weight of all your worries
Blown out in a single breath
And drawn in again

Who knew
the tips of my fingers would seem so distant
My mind disassociating
Feeling small inside my body
If it is still mine

Who knew
you could get used to such things
Boundaries endlessly pushed
Previous limits
Now the standard

skinny stress

skin is starting to pull tighter around now obvious bones

once hidden veins can be traced from the tips of my finger to my armpits

the cold chills me to my core through unusually many layers of clothes

seeing food is enough to make my stomach twist and turn

 

energy is at an all-time low

sleep is difficult and never enough

migraines are a common occurrence

sheer will is all that keeps me going

 

the words and stares pierce me like a dull knife

while they see something beautiful

I suffer the price

A story of love

And then they smiled, all tension dropping from their ever serious face, the infamous sparkle bright in their eyes. The magic lasted but a second as the corners of their mouth drooped lower than they were before, shame and defeat darkening their eyes, all evil of the day rushing through their mind at once. Tears threatened to roll down their cheeks and they swallowed hard. They noticed me staring and gave me a shaky smile that didn’t reach their eyes, eyes that were silently begging me not to say a word. I obliged, hoping that one day these fleeting moments of their beauty would turn to hours, to days. If anything, they deserved the happiness they inspired in me. They were my flicker of light in a place of darkness and demons.