Dark, gloomy, hard, revolting

Everything is light and colourful

The sounds are sweet and cheerful

Soft are the fabrics

Pleasant are the scents

I just don’t fit




I want to sleep off exhaustion that isn’t physical, waiting for wounds that don’t bleed to finally heal. Tears roll red hot down my throat, hidden by a smile that’s only the corners of my mouth pointing upwards. My hands run ice cold from the fever in my mind. I’m hungry for things I can’t eat and need something to brighten the darkness which isn’t light.

Not present

Who knew
a sigh could be so heavy
The weight of all your worries
Blown out in a single breath
And drawn in again

Who knew
the tips of my fingers would seem so distant
My mind disassociating
Feeling small inside my body
If it is still mine

Who knew
you could get used to such things
Boundaries endlessly pushed
Previous limits
Now the standard

Needing wishes, imagining cravings

I desire foods,  but I don’t want to eat them
I long for company, yet let no one near
I ache to rest, nevertheless I remain awake
I seek music, though no song soothes my ears

I believe it’s more the feeling that they used to give than the matters itself which I long for and as they no longer supply it I grow hungry and restless. Wherever shall I find my comfort and move on from temporary distractions?

My mood is like sunlight on a cloudy day
Changing in intensity
Differentiating between gloomy
And bright, warm

My anger is like a sleeping volcano
Accumulating, dangerous
Hidden, not to be provoked
A history of destruction, feared

My fear is like the nitrogen we breath
Always present
Dangerous under pressure