I close my eyes and take in the sounds of a world so empty where I feel utterly alone. I hear the chatter of people, the many forms of transport and everything that keeps this charade going. I’m a nobody to all the people that pass me by wondering why I’m not following suit, to me they’re all nobodies as well. Just filling, background, not something important. They don’t know of my suffering, my loneliness surrounded by many and they will all have individual stories as well.
Thousands, millions, plenty that could have seen I wasn’t doing well. So many faces I’ll never see again, who won’t see me either. They won’t even notice my disappearance. This whole mass of people could just as well be empty space. In fact I feel more alone when in such a crowd then when I sit in my home without a soul in sight.
I open my eyes and put my headphones back in their customary spot. They’re like ants, each trying to get somewhere in time. Places to be, people to meet. All following a similar pattern. Cars filling the roads, following the lines, sticking to the rules… well mostly. We all follow the rules, standards and expectations, but why? We grew up with them but at one point someone must have made them up. Traffic rules make sense, but why is it weird to hug a stranger, or impolite to comment on a bad fashion choice?
People like me, who do things differently stand out. We don’t blindly follow the rest, but question things and don’t understand things that when really analysed in fact do not make sense. We end up alone for who we are makes it hard to find people like us.
I go along my routine like the others, getting someplace at some time. But my thoughts are elsewhere, my eyes looking at a different world brought there by the music to drown the last of the outside world. Another person with a their own story, following suit with the rest, but not like the others. I will escape one day, but not today. For now I play their game, learn their rules until I can beat this faulty system.
There's order in my chaos 